On The High Dive

Is it wrong to fear success? I am standing on the precipice of amazing and terrifying things. All at once I’m giddy with the hope and promise of success in doing what I love to do and leaping into a whole new world away from the comfort and perceived stability of a relationship I thought would sustain me. I am terrified. It’s like watching everyone line up for the high dive, climbing the ladder and realizing you’re all alone on that board. Twelve seasoned kids rolling their eyes while you contemplate the jump or dive. It feels so much more dangerous than it looked from the pool deck. It’s silent, the air feels cooler, the board more unstable. You can only feel the prickly texture of the board and how it quivers and flexes under your feet,the goosebumps on your skin and the sound of your heat beating out of your chest. You know you need to do it and wish someone would just shove you off. No luck, this is the juxtapose, you have to do this, on your own, no one can push you, the choice is yours and you’ve made it, you cannot back down off of the ladder, you won’t back down off the ladder. Will you feel liberated, maybe. Will you be praised, probably not. “Change is hard”, said without a thought so many times. Change isn’t always good, but it is necessary and inevitable. To grow we have to accept change. Wish me luck as I jump off of the high dive and into an unknown future.