The Trouble with Four Year Olds

The trouble with four year olds is that have discovered the power of negotiation.  They know if they eat their green beans they can successfully argue that green beans and ice cream cancel each other out. " Mommy, don't you want  ice cream too?"  You do of course and who can argue with this brilliant force of nature.  Four year olds have the uncanny ability to make you laugh, cry, and question your sanity all at the same time.  My friend's four year old, " Hey Mom, see those sun shine streams through the clouds? That's God. He's smiling at us."  When my daughter was four, she was obsessed with two things.  Barney and Ariel.  Unfortunately, she received a dingy Barney sleep shirt from a yard sale while "junking" with her grandparents.  She also had a pair of Ariel leggings.  Surprise!  This was her outfit of choice for months.  Did I mention four year olds insist on being their own stylists?  It's true, every four year old must pick out and don outfits they put together themselves, or you will face the dreaded tantrum.  Not only did my daughter dress herself she refused to have her hair brushed, and always seemed to have a rash on her face.  I was certain I would be hand cuffed and taken away by Child Protective Services.  She would proudly wear her sloppy Barney shirt, dirty kneed Ariel leggings and flip flops in January as if she was about to be on the catwalk during New York's Fashion Week.  All of you who haven't had a four year old or have conveniently blocked the memory out, let me remind you that reasoning with a four year old, hell bent on doing something, is like watching a presidential debate during the primaries.  It is far easier on everyone to pretend you're the babysitter and convince them to call you by your first name when in public, than to coif their hair dress them in pressed clean adorable matching outfits and having their heads spin around like the exorcist. Trust me I've done it, not pretty.  That same four year old can touch your cheek softly and sing you the lullaby you've been singing to them since before they were born.  I guess the problem or "trouble" with four year olds is that as their amazing minds expand and their beautiful personalities become solidified you lose the control you once had over their every step.  It is the natural ebb and flow of the parent child relationship.  "Relationship" being the key word here.   My four year old is now 21 years old.  How I long for the days when she would sing " A Part of Your World" at the top of her lungs while trying to brush her hair with a fork. Believing for certain anything was possible.  Release your inner four year old!  God Bless...

 

Things I Know...or, It's okay, I'm a mom

I admittedly am not the smartest or most successful person, but there are a few things I know for sure.  Having one child is a life changing, beautiful adventure.  Having two children is manageable chaos.  Having three children is circus mayhem.  There is a reason they call it a three ring circus.  If you're lucky enough to have three children.  You have officially earned the title of "Ring Master".  Put on your top hat grab you whip and bull horn, own this title or you will be eaten alive.  I know that in 2 minutes several day destroying things can happen.  A crayon can be lodged up a 2 year old's nose.  An eighteen month old can successfully scale the counter to the cupboard where you keep the Dimetapp, and drink the entire bottle.  Your two adorable dogs can take a perfectly cooked, 14 pound turkey off the counter, eat it, leaving nothing behind, not even the wishbone and feel no ill effects or remorse. Your three year old can decorate your yellow lab with colorful Sharpies. In the next minute they can paint all of their big sister's stuffed animals ,"toes" with nail polish and confidently say the dog did it.  A barbie placed on top of a lamp, can become "disabled" barbie when their arm melts off.  Dog food  becomes a crunchy, healthy, in between meal snack.  Bangs that didn't exist before suddenly appear, and are significantly shorter than your hairdresser would recommend, again, the dog has done this. A VCR can become a make shift depository for money and grilled cheese sandwiches. I know that your children can and will repeat everything they hear, in front of your Mother in law, at church, or to a group of other children who will then repeat everything to their parents. " I love you" and "I'm sorry" mean more than you know and aren't spoken often enough.  "Sticks and stones will break your bones." Broken bones heal. "but words will never harm you." Words can leave scars that last a lifetime so choose them carefully.   People who say they feel better in their 40's and 50's are obviously suffering from dementia and don't remember what it felt like, physically, to be 20. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  Get the "Joy of Cooking" and use it!  A thoughtful word or a gentle pat on the back can turn someone's day around.  I know that there is no easy way to get gum out of hair, lipstick out of carpet or red latex paint out of car flooring.  I know for sure that good friends, family and faith can get you through anything.  Laughter is good medicine, and being able to laugh at yourself is the best medicine.  I know that bubble gum, a rubber band and a paperclip can fix just about everything. I know for sure as you get older time does goes by faster.  Enjoy your children.  Stop. Smile. Get on the floor and play with them while you can.  I know for sure that there is a God, he is awesome, sovereign and he answers prayers. Pray, a lot...for humility, patience and forgiveness.

Time for Change or Watch out for the lava!

My life, like all of our lives, is in a constant upheaval.  I compare mine to those videos in science class we watched in Jr. High of the earth's crust erupting with moving molten lava, as they tried to liken the video footage with what they assume is how our planet was formed.  I know if I breathe, and stand still for just a moment I realize that others have more tumultuous events occurring in their lives.  Eventually, it all comes back to the hot molten lava...I can justify any and every event as a  cosmic collision.  "I know you're going through a lot right now,but, let me fill you in on my latest catastrophe!"  It's really funny in a ridiculous, sitcom kind of way when I think about it...I have, undeniably, been through a lot these past six months.  My mother, 74, was blindsided by a petition for divorce from my second stepfather.  My sister was evicted from her apartment and happily reported she was eating hotel patrons leftovers placed outside their rooms for Thanksgiving dinner.  I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, not life threatening, stable in growth for now.  My dear friends daughter was diagnosed and successfully treated for Leukemia. We are being hounded by the IRS...I could go on and on, the molten lava overtaking every nook and cranny of my existence until I am perched on the corner of an end table hanging on to sanity so the lava won't swallow me up and burn me alive!  That's when breathing is a really good idea.  I know everyone else is living with the "lava effect".  Our church recently added a contemporary service to our worship options.  Now, understand, we are a Presbyterian church in an predominantly white, upper middle class neighborhood.  We have been doing the same thing for more than 25 years...Adding this service was like asking the congregation to accept live sacrifices on the alter every Sunday.  Don't misunderstand.  It wasn't the idea of contemporary worship.  We talk about it, embrace the principles, encourage those who want to participate in worship in any form,but...Change?  Add something, different? To our worship schedule? Hmmm, not so comfortable.  Here comes that lava!  Every aspect of this monumental event was scrutinized.  Where will people park?  Won't this pull people from our traditional service?  It was almost as if we were taking ownership of worship itself.  "their way might be okay, our way is the right way".  This Sunday, in the traditional service, yes, I go to the traditional service.  Don't hate me.  I like it, I sing in the choir, I feel comfortable there. Anyway, in the traditional service the sermon was about being who God wants you to be...Living up to the expectations He has for us.  Stop, breathe, listen...Listen to your own heart.  Don't let the lava over take your life.  It isn't about you.  It's about Him working in your life.   It is time for change.  I am trying to envision the waves crashing on the lava, cooling it, washing away the stress and tumult of the day.  I know that my life will always be in upheaval.  I can look at it as destructive, or...look at it as growth.  Those layers of lava in my life once cooled by love and faith give me strength...

February 14th...No, not Valentine's day, Arizona's Birthday!

100 years ago on February 14th, Arizona became the 48th state of the union...I am a fourth generation Arizonan...my family was here when we were a territory, we fought in the only battle of the civil war at Picacho Peak...We were confederates...We won. We protected our border ensuring Tucson was, and is a part of our great state and not taken by Spaniards. My Grandmother attended Tempe Normal, ...now ASU...when it was a college for women educators. My father was born in a midwife facility in Tucson and was Scottsdale's first city attorney. We are a diverse, bright, complicated group of amazing citizens. We are quirky, brash and outspoken.  My great great grandfather brought his family across the country by horse drawn wagon and was a first family of Tempe...no, I am not a Mormon.  He then moved to Glendale where he was a farmer.  He took his crops to Tempe to sell and crossed the Salt River using Hayden's Ferry. Lattie Coor, Carl Hayden, and my great grandfather had their hair cut by the same barber every week.  Prescott, is pronounced Preskitt.  My grandmother and her sisters summered in Flagstaff .  It was too hot in the valley and they didn't have air conditioning.  Hanging wet sheets between trees and sleeping on mattresses outside was their  air conditioning. I grew up in Scottsdale before it was cool.  The big indoor mall was Los Arcos.  We were influenced by Wallace and Ladmo, a local "kids" TV show where adults were laughing harder than the kids.  The Phoenician was The Jokake Inn and I rode my horse on the golf course regularly.  Fashion Square's coolest department store wasn't Barney it was Goldwater's, yes, owned by Barry Goldwater's family.   I am an proud American and Arizonan. I know we have far to go and aren't perfect. I could live anywhere, but couldn't dream of living anywhere else. Happy Birthday Arizona!

Patience, Yeah Whatever!

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one's character can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

We tell our children constantly to be patient.  " Please be patient.  Good things come to those who wait."  On the other hand when they won't do or act according to our plan we blurt, "You are testing my patience!"  I have been faced with the issue of patience lately, in almost all aspects of my life.  As I looked again at the definition of patience I realized, this is NO easy task.  I think it comes from unreasonable expectations, which I admit I have about almost everything.  I expect things to happen on my schedule.  I want results, reactions, redemption, and sometimes revenge instantaneously.  I know in my squirrely head that this is not right, that these things will not happen on my time line or maybe ever.  But without a doubt I let these expectations run my life.  I get angry, frustrated, incensed....when I can't get an answer, finish a project or make other people have unreasonable expectations to match mine!  I guess I need to redefine my expectations in order to wrap my head around the idea of true patience. 

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances.  

Are my daily circumstances really difficult, no...Do I have situations in my life that truly require patience, of course.  This all falls back to a little cliche....I know, I love these.....Let Go and Let God.  So for today I will take a deep breath and practice patience where it is needed and you know what I'll do with the rest of it.....

When we sweat the small stuff......

When we sweat the small stuff we miss out on the big stuff.

We become consumed with what others think instead of worrying about others.  We can't look beyond our own needs and wants to discover that we hold the power to change someone's life with a caring act or a listening ear.  Sweating the small stuff in our lives is actually quite selfish.  Who are we to fret and worry about our possessions, our position.  If we truly believe it is all in God's hands we are not being very trusting when we can't give it all, and I mean all of it,  into  God's very capable hands.  If we can find a way to let loose of all the worries, big and little, it gives us so much more time and capacity to love others in a meaningful way.  To really hear our children when they are expressing their feelings of happiness, disappointment, anger and fear.  To let worry go gives our hearts room for great giving and compassion.  It is such a  puny rather insignificant statement, "Don't sweat the small stuff", but to me it doesn't mean we shouldn't give time to look at our own lives or problems, to me it means, "don't let the trivial everyday situations prevent you from being who God created you to be......The loving, caring, forgiving image of Himself."

Ernie the Bug Man

Being a religious person, and trying, most of the time, without success, I do try to see God's work and the good in people everywhere.  I seem to gravitate to the obvious...children, pastors, well meaning friends.  I DO try to look beyond the most likely candidates, and see God in people who aren't always nice, smiling, friendly or well meaning.  Today I saw God, I stood in an open garage and actually spoke to God....He wasn't a pastor, a friend, or someone I would consider unpleasant, and definitely wasn't a complete stranger......It was Ernie, the "bug man", otherwise known as an exterminator.  Ernie had come to my friend's home to spray for bugs and do a preventative check for termites.  My friend's daughter is in the hospital and I have offered to help get her daughter's room ready for her return home.  Ernie went about his business and we came to a stopping point.  He thought we should clear some plants against the house and I couldn't have that done immediately.  We agreed that we would schedule another time when he could finish spraying, and as he said, "Do the best job he could do."  We headed out of the house and he looked at his palm pilot, checking dates.....He said, "You know, she is going to be alright."  Before I could utter a response he went on, he told me that God works through situations. He hasn't necessarily created the situation ,  but He can teach his followers something through them.  I stood with my mouth, which I'm sure was hanging open, unable to speak.  He went on......He said," You know all the good you're doing here?  All the good that this family has done?  Your church?" I said." Yes."  He said," God accepts it, but he doesn't need it. He is everything, everywhere, perfection, that is why he gives it back to you in another form.  It may be a strengthened faith, it may be a prayer answered or a healthy outcome.  It comes back, whether you feel you deserve it or not."  At this point I started to weep.  I wasn't sobbing but, I WAS weeping.  He took my hand and confidently stated,  "She is going to be fine."  I composed myself and told him I would call him with a follow up appointment time, that would work with the outpatient treatments my friend's daughter would be having.  I put out my hand to shake his....he shook his head and with open arms embraced me.   He told me he would be gone to Guadalajara on a mission trip for a week and to call him after that..... I am certain I have seen God before, but my eyes were not open to it.  Thank you Ernie, for opening my eyes to see God right in front of me, working through you.......